Episode 7
Dynamite & Overdose
Today's episode of the Becoming the Big Me Podcast is real, raw, and serious- if you are looking for my high vibe content this in not the one. If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction just know that I love you, I am here for you, and there is a better life out there for you. Feel free to DM me if you ever need someone to talk to.
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Hi! I am your host Djemilah Birnie of www.becomingthebigme.com . I have been building businesses online since the age of 17. When I discovered the power that we hold within our own minds my world truly began to change.
I love to write and have published some books, some of them have even hit some charts 😲 You can check them out here http://bit.ly/djemilahbooks
Ready to start playing BIG and step into your Big Me potential by harnessing the power of your mind? Then make sure you join the free Rewire challenge to get all the tools you need! https://www.djemilah.com/rewirechallenge
Don't forget to check out the little lady's podcast "A Kid's Perspective" where she answers your questions on all of life's most pressing issues, in her eyes, a kid! http://bit.ly/akidsperspective
Let's Connect! #allthelinks ⬇
https://www.facebook.com/djemilah/
https://www.instagram.com/mimi.the.genie/
Transcript
Because there's this, this voice and this thought in the back of
Speaker:my head that you know, that could have been me. Hey there,
Speaker:thank you for tuning into today's episode of The becoming
Speaker:the big new podcast. This episode is going to be a little
Speaker:different than my typical content. And if you're looking
Speaker:for something high vibe, at the moment, this is not the episode
Speaker:to listen to. So you might just want to skip this one over. I
Speaker:will be talking about some very real raw things that are going
Speaker:on in my life right now. Hello there beautiful soul. So I
Speaker:originally planned for today's episode of The becoming the big
Speaker:meat podcast to be about the manifestation muscle and how to
Speaker:build it up. But due to the circumstances of today, I'm
Speaker:feeling called to talk about something else.
Speaker:Today,
Speaker:I found out that a family member of mine passed away a family
Speaker:member of mine who has struggled with addiction, just like me. In
Speaker:fact, he's only a couple years older than me. And back in the
Speaker:day, we used to run around in the same crowds, I would see him
Speaker:every now and then at some of the different houses that I
Speaker:would be at.
Speaker:Now,
Speaker:we thought he was doing better. There's really no telling how
Speaker:long he has been struggling again. He went to rehab and was
Speaker:doing a lot better there for a while. But he obviously fell off
Speaker:again. And from the sounds of what's coming out, maybe has
Speaker:been off the silver bandwagon for a little while. We still
Speaker:have all of the information of what exactly caused it. But it
Speaker:does appear to be an overdose. We're not sure you know, if it
Speaker:was just from the heroin or, you know, there's a lot of stuff
Speaker:being cut out in this area actually really all over the
Speaker:place with a lot more powerful.
Speaker:Drugs, not
Speaker:that you can't just overdose on heroin, you obviously can. But
Speaker:as someone who has spent a user I know that we typically know
Speaker:our limits
Speaker:and
Speaker:most of the reason why why we overdose is because there's
Speaker:something else in there and we don't know our limits with that
Speaker:something else. So after I found out the news, there was a lot of
Speaker:thoughts going through my mind.
Speaker:And
Speaker:a part of me felt like that could have been me, could have
Speaker:been me. Now there are many times that that could have been
Speaker:me.
Speaker:And it's not just the overdose that could have taken me and as
Speaker:most addicts living in this state, know and feel the danger
Speaker:not only comes with the drug not only comes with the possibility
Speaker:of the overdose itself, but the danger comes with everything
Speaker:else that comes with that lifestyle. The situations that
Speaker:we put our ourselves in the feuds over over a hit over a
Speaker:high that can end lethally. So when I found out that he had
Speaker:passed away, oh, my soul filled with so much sadness to hear
Speaker:that he had fallen back down that track again. I also felt an
Speaker:overwhelming sense of gratitude. Gratitude that the universe sent
Speaker:me my daughter because if she would have never come into my
Speaker:life I can't say I know, I would be here today. for that child is
Speaker:what gave me a reason to live. For I didn't feel I was worthy.
Speaker:I didn't know I give a shit about myself. The universe knew
Speaker:that I needed that push. And I'm sorry about the airplane that
Speaker:you can probably hear right now I'm sitting outside recording
Speaker:this. She gave me that push
Speaker:that
Speaker:I needed to make a change. Now we have some people think that a
Speaker:teen pregnancy is a burden, or a disaster waiting to happen. In
Speaker:my case, being homeless and an addict and a teen finding out
Speaker:their pregnancy pregnant I can understand why people had shit
Speaker:to say.
Speaker:But that little girl she saved my damn life. Now there's
Speaker:something that came to mind. A flashback. I came into my head
Speaker:after I heard the news.
Speaker:about a time when I was in the heat of my addiction. Living in
Speaker:a little illegal shack that was built by a bunch of crackheads.
Speaker:hidden in the woods of some tweakers property is living here
Speaker:at the moment with my daughter's father and a bunch of other
Speaker:users. Now, let's see, this place was your stereotypical
Speaker:drug house. If you've ever seen the movie Trainspotting, you can
Speaker:get a pretty clear picture of what this place looked like. It
Speaker:was literal fill. The bathroom was disgusting. There was things
Speaker:dripping down the walls. It was super, super narrow and very
Speaker:tall. And on the top floor, there was a little room. And the
Speaker:only window so to speak, was a door that opened into nothing.
Speaker:Now there was a particular day where I was laying in the bed,
Speaker:high as a kite and just not really paying attention to what
Speaker:was going on around me. Earlier, one of the roommates had come
Speaker:back super excited about his new score of dynamite that he had
Speaker:gotten for a trade
Speaker:for drugs
Speaker:he placed when he received the dynamite he placed it on his
Speaker:shelf
Speaker:above a gold bowl of gunpowder. I didn't think anything of it. A
Speaker:lot of these guys, they were obsessed with blowing shit up.
Speaker:Because they came with the territory. I don't know. I also
Speaker:was too high to give it any thought. Now what happened next
Speaker:is something that will forever be seared. into my mind. He went
Speaker:downstairs he went out of the house. It was a hot day. So the
Speaker:door to the upstairs was open. And through that open door all
Speaker:of a sudden came a spark. A spark that began to explode
Speaker:everywhere. He had shot. A firework. Multiple firework. Now
Speaker:your little chintzy didn't see little fireworks. No, we're
Speaker:talking about. You're living on a rez, we got some real fucking
Speaker:fireworks fireworks. And as I felt the biting of the flame
Speaker:against my skin, I tried to run through the smoke and embers to
Speaker:stumble down the stairs. My only thought was, I need to get as
Speaker:far away from this house as possible because it's about to
Speaker:blow the fuck up.
Speaker:Now, for some reason that place didn't blow up. The gunpowder
Speaker:didn't get hit the dynamite didn't get hit.
Speaker:I'm not sure if his intentions were to blow me to smithereens.
Speaker:But I can't say they weren't. Maybe he was just some high
Speaker:guiding high. Maybe he I don't know. I can't say. This isn't
Speaker:the only time that I experienced something that should have taken
Speaker:my life in the time of my addiction. And I really, I
Speaker:really don't know what kept me alive all that time. Except that
Speaker:maybe, maybe I experience all of that for a reason. Maybe
Speaker:everything that I have ever been through has been for a reason
Speaker:not one that I could understand at the moment, of course. But if
Speaker:it wasn't for all of that shit that I experienced if it wasn't
Speaker:for all that I watched, I wouldn't be able to help lift
Speaker:other people out of the depths of how I wouldn't be able to
Speaker:show that there is a better life. I truly believe that I had
Speaker:to live through all of those things. So that I could help
Speaker:bring other people out. And I wish I could have helped my
Speaker:cousin I wish I could have been there for him. And while my
Speaker:heart is filled with sorrow, it's also set on fire. Because
Speaker:there doesn't need to be more lives taken. Everyone out there
Speaker:you yes you are worthy of having an amazing life. I don't care
Speaker:what you have done. I don't care what you have been through.
Speaker:There. If you are listening to this, you are still alive. And
Speaker:you want to know what that means. That means you are alive
Speaker:for a motherfucking reason. You are here to take another breath.
Speaker:You are here to create something more. If you weren't meant to be
Speaker:here you would not be now I have done so many horrible things. I
Speaker:have witnessed so many horrible things that I am not proud of.
Speaker:But that doesn't make me unworthy of living. have a
Speaker:better life of creating a better life not only for my daughter,
Speaker:and myself, but for other. Hence why I'm so passionate about
Speaker:helping people. And not only just helping people in the
Speaker:addiction space, not just helping, you know, young moms
Speaker:not just helping people who have experienced extreme pain, but
Speaker:helping anyone who knows that they are here for a reason. We
Speaker:all have a story to share, we all have an impact to make it
Speaker:it's not always easy to share and be raw and vulnerable. And
Speaker:when I first started publicly sharing my story online a year
Speaker:ago, that was the scariest thing that I ever did. But the amount
Speaker:of people who have reached out to me and thanked me for sharing
Speaker:my experience for for instilling hope in their heart. For showing
Speaker:them that it doesn't matter what you've done, it doesn't matter
Speaker:what you've done, though, it doesn't matter how low you have
Speaker:fucking got. There's always a way to climb out of it. And I
Speaker:know that everyone says that shit. And I know that when you
Speaker:are in it, it feels so much harder. But believe me, you can
Speaker:do it. If you're struggling right now, there are people who
Speaker:love you. There are people who care about you. And it doesn't
Speaker:just have to be your blood family. There are so many of us
Speaker:out there who have been exactly in that position. Who will help
Speaker:lift you up. There doesn't need to be another life lost. So if
Speaker:you are struggling with addiction right now, I want you
Speaker:to know that there is hope there is a better life out there for
Speaker:you. There are people that will love and support you and they
Speaker:know that you have seen shit that no one ever needs to see. I
Speaker:know that you I've experienced that no one should ever have to
Speaker:experience but that is what makes you powerful because you
Speaker:will be able to change lives. Just reach out to someone. You
Speaker:are worthy. There is support for you out here. You are capable of
